Repent

Crazy Sunday.  That was my Sunday.  On the inside.  I felt this anxiety dripping everywhere, all day.  Small group ladies met up for accountability and encouragement.  The question laid out was, "What can we do to be better wives at this time?"  Honestly, I had no answer.  I just kept agreeing with everyone as I listened.  I was completely taken over...by nothing, and everything, my mind and heart racing.  It was really weird.

I lay awake at night waiting for Daniel to come warm up the cold sheets--still not calm.  The question still hanging in my heart.  Then the word comes... or was it the Word.

Repent.

I realize that I knew it all along.  I just didn't want to face it...again.

of a cold heart
of ingratitude
of pride
of ...

"The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object.  It is better to forget about yourself altogether."  (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

Even then I find myself still eye-ing the mirror... my sinful self doesn't want to lose sight of itself...even if it is "a small, dirty object."

Turn around!
Abandon!

I stand here and wait.

so much going on inside my mind and heart... I'm so tired and can't think anymore though...

This mothering-of-two-wee-ones is a hard business.