Ari is not much of a snuggler... I don't know if this is because she is just a busy toddler yet and I'm just expecting too much at this time...or maybe I've hurt her little toddler heart and soul and she feels resentment... or that's just how she's wired... or maybe it's all of the above... anyway, I always carry around this fantasy about her and I curled up together in a couch, snuggling, stroking each other's hair, reading, lounging... will this dream ever come true? She seems to need times like this and physical affection but I'm generally not sure how to do that in ways that she feels completely free and safe.
I love reading to her. Tonight before I kissed her goodnight we read two Berenstain Bear books. She's been falling asleep by herself this whole week... shedding some tears and facing some fears of monsters and the "big bad wolf." Actually, since this whole new thing began, we were able to talk more about the "big bad wolf" and I basically tell her that it is our imagination and if she's still scared, that I have chased it far far away. Then she goes on to do something else.
I don't know if giving her this opportunity to learn to be okay with falling asleep by herself is helping her build self-esteem or making her insecure... (should I have waited till she's older and really understand that it's our imagination? I don't know...) I can't wait till the day when falling asleep together gets to be a special time rather than a battle... Anyway, it's begun... and I am so eager and excited to take her to the bookstore in Itaewon Saturday morning for her to pick out a new B.B. book for her reward! She's sure happy to put those stickers on the chart everyday...
She was holding my hand while I was reading to her tonight...her soft little hand that fits perfectly inside mine. She even put her head down on my lap and relaxed... I wanted to just snuggle up with her in her bed and go to sleep. Instead, I kissed her good night and tucked her in...
Ti seems to be going through some developmental stuff... he is not all "easy" anymore. Such is life of a mother of a four month old?
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